So yes. I know. I have an over-active mind.
Case in point: last night I awoke at 2:30am and started thinking about my blogs. I was thinking about how I’ve been posting them on Facebook where people from all parts of my life can see: Friends (anywhere from close-knit to acquaintances), ex-coworkers, people from high school, current clients, etc.
I started to feel like I’d been hanging my dirty underwear up on a public clothesline for all to gawk at ~ not a pretty sight.
I cringed as the thoughts swarmed in: Maybe I shouldn’t share so much. Maybe this stuff is only meant for MY journal. Why am I posting it for the world to see? Maybe putting my brain out on display is weird and I just shouldn’t do it. People will probably think I’m weird. Maybe I am weird. Am I weird?? Ugggghhhhh!!!!
My Saboteur was having a heyday playing the age-old tune, “What will people think of you?”
I mean, if I’m honest, there is definitely a part of me that wants to appear like I’m perfect or something, like I’m totally cool ALL THE DAMN TIME.
Sorry folks. Just not the case.
Lying there in the middle of the night, then, I started practicing a technique that I learned through my studies in Spiritual Psychology:
I once remember my teacher, Mary Hulnick, sharing that as soon as she became aware that she was in judgment of someone or something, she would immediately begin practicing self forgiveness.
So I began: I forgive myself for judging myself as a fool. I forgive myself for judging myself as weird. I forgive myself for judging myself as strange…
And I feel asleep sometime after that.
You see, it’s not that self forgiveness is some magical exilir that took away my pain in that moment (oftentimes I forgive myself and feel like nothing is happening). However, I believe that the more quickly I can unhook myself from my judgements (of myself or others), the more quickly I can come back to my true state: LOVING. So whether or not I actually feel any emotional shift it in the moment, I do my best to practice it whenever I remember to.
Here’s another thing:
So what if I am weird? What if me sharing all of this IS strange?
First of all, OH WELL.
Second, I tend to think that there are many more people who will relate to me than those who will think I’m weird.
Third, I’ve always been more attracted to people who have the courage to be exactly who they are, warts and all. Who share what is not always pretty or easy or socially acceptable to share. People who can tell the truth and still love themselves for it in the morning 🙂
That’s the kind of world that I want to live in.